Food Fight
by Ninaeva
Summary: Kasumi starts the food fight, which in turn creates some problems in paradise for Commanding Officers of the Normandy... set after the Arrival and before Unlikely Pair - Jack and Miranda


_**A/N:**_ _Something I started a few months ago, but only now I managed to 'finish'... and I quote that, since I may write a chapter two of this, or I may just leave it like this... it all depends on my inspiration to write... For now, I'm gonna leave it as ongoing_

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><p>"It seems that Jacob really likes Kasumi." A voice behind me says. Instead of turning around, I just lean backwards, until I'm looking upside down at the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. She rolls her eyes at my antics, and I grin as I straighten up, motioning for her to take a seat beside me.<p>

"Well, she is a really likable person." I smile, looking at the soldier and the thief, just as she steals a piece of meat from his plate.

I feel Miranda's hand on mine, under the table, and when I look at her, I see her looking at Kasumi and Jacob, small smile on her face.

I put my other hand over hers and she turns her gaze on me, still smiling.

We don't need words.

Our eyes say everything that needs to be said.

We lean towards each other, but just as our lips were about to touch, something hits me in the head.

"What tha…?" I look in the direction from where the projectile came, but before I can react, another hits me straight in the face.

I hear my XO chuckle beside me, and Kasumi's yell "Food fight!" as I wipe the… substance that Gardner calls food from my eyes.

That's when all Hell breaks loose.

I look at Miranda, who just shrugs her shoulders with 'if-you-cant-beat-them-join-them' look in her eyes, as she takes rice from my plate and drops it on my head.

I can't believe that Miranda Lawson, ex-Cerberus Operative, who everyone called 'Frosty the Snow Bitch' behind her back (which, btw, I still can't tell her about, coz I'm going to need my crew, ALIVE, if I want to stop the Reapers from invading Earth), and the love of my life, dumped rice on my head, just because Kasumi yelled 'Food fight' and everyone started throwing food at each other around us.

And as if that's not enough, she spills my water on top of that, all the while smirking at me!

After my initial shock fades, I grin at her, but not just any grin, the 'EVIL grin'. Her smirk changes to disbelief when I take her potato and slip it in her uniform, between her breasts. She makes an 'O' with her mouth as she looks first at the potato, then at me, then at potato again.

"Oh, now, you are going to pay." She says, getting up.

Alarmed, I get up as quickly as I can, and start running towards the elevator, dodging the various food and crewmembers on the way.

I punch the button, but the door isn't opening "Come on, come on...!" I'm panicking because Miranda has that murderous look in her eyes, as she is confidently walking towards me, like she has all the time in the world. Well, we ARE on a starship, in the middle of nowhere, between star systems. Its not like I can outrun her.

Shit. The elevator won't come in time.

I look left and right.

The bathroom!

I sprint towards the ladies room, locking the doors behind me.

I will need to disable opening mechanism.

"Shepard, I will say this only once; open this door now."

Shit, she is at the door and she is trying to override them! I need to do something.

This was turning out to be a hacking competition. Whenever she managed to breach one firewall, I had to create another.

I could feel the tension getting replaced by excitement. It's not every day that I can test my computer prowess against such a skilled opponent.

"You can't keep this up forever."

"Neither can you, Lawson."

"I guess we will just have to see who can last longer, _eh Commander_?"

"Keep talking as much as you want, Lawson. You can't distract me. I can do this with a blindfold and gunfire around me, so you don't really stand a chance." I know I sound cocky when I say it, but that's just to cover a slip I made when she called me Commander with that sexy voice she used to get me in bed...

But...

"Oh really Commander? I don't hear any gunfire around here, and if I had to guess, I'd say you don't even have a blindfold on. So why am I breaking through your defenses so easily?" She did it again. She reads me like a book, nothing can slip by her! Damn it woman! Stop pushing my buttons like a pro!

And of course, few moments later the door open to reveal my really pissed off Executive Officer.

This reminds me a little of the time when we first met, when she shot that Wilson guy right in the face. In cold blood! So how can I not be scared shitless? I'd take a base full of Collectors any time, over a pissed off Miranda Lawson.

I can at least shoot the Collectors.

And what can I do against her? Get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness?

Nah. I'm Commander Shepard. I don't beg!

Oh shit, she is coming in!

I back away from her, until my back hits the wall. "H-Hey Miri... baby, can't we talk about this?" I ask in small voice.

"Don't call me baby... Ever." I gulp visibly at her icy tone.

I really did it this time. Damn it Shepard! Little tact wouldn't hurt every now and then!

She approaches me, putting one hand on the wall next to my head, as she leans in to whisper in my ear "You are in so much trouble now, Commander, not even Anderson will be able to save you. But..." She pauses here, and I can feel her leg going between mine, making me shudder "... Maybe..." She cups my cheek with her other hand, and I start to relax, closing my eyes, as she slides it down...

Next thing I know, she is gone and ice cold water is running over me. My eyes snap open and I stare at her in utter shock, unable to move from the cold shower she literally gave me.

"No, I don't think you can get away from this one without some proper punishment." She smirks at me as she turns to leave. "Oh and..." She stops for the moment, looking over her shoulder at me "... You can sleep on couch for the time being, unless Doctor Chakwas wants to lend you one of the beds in Med Bay."

When the door close behind her, I slump to the ground, cold water from the shower still flowing over me.

I slam my head back, into the wall, muttering "Stupid, stupid, stupid...!"


End file.
